What Have I Done to Deserve This?

What Have I Done to Deserve This?

I know it was late. And I know I was the only one awake. Except for the roosters  that are crowing from a distance.

Wait! Why are the roosters crowing already?

The light in the room was dim. Air was cold. Music was hypnotic. But I shouldn’t be tempted to go back to sleep. It was feeding time!

At the corner of the bed, I anchored my right foot on the floor while I sat on my left foot. On the delta shape of my left leg, I put the sleeping baby to feed.

My back was screaming of strain. Am I that old? I couldn't move. I should't move. Or else she’d stop drinking. Or worst, she’d start growling.

People warned me about sleepless nights during the first few weeks.

But they didn’t tell me the whole truth!

No one told me that I’d be obliged to learn some dance moves. I never thought that I'd be dancing the sinulog dance, acrobatic dance or even zombie dance. It’s as if she won’t burp if I don’t dance.

Sinulog dance is perfect during sunset when her tummy is gassy. Acrobatic dance is the go to dance when I had to pick up something on the floor without putting her down. Oh, she’s sensitive of your every move. If your attention is not 100% towards her, she would squint her eyes at you.

At 3 AM, all I could do is zombie dance!

No one told me that salonpas and ointment would be my go to stuff.

Her favorite sleeping position makes me think that she must have acrobatic skills.  Whenever she's sleepy and she wants to be cuddled, she will arch her back away from me while her neck rests on my arm and her butt locked on my other arm. She's only 5 kilos but after a few minutes in that position, it feels like I'm carrying the world in my arms.

But that is her favorite! And I have no idea why. 

When I stare at her in her most peaceful sleep, I couldn’t help but ask myself “what have I done to deserve this little being?”

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One Day

One Day

“One day, she will answer you back,” some parents warned me.

I won’t be surprised. I was also like that when I was growing up.

When I was younger, I thought that I was always right.  I’ve got all the answers in the world. I was the smartest. To me, my parents were always wrong.

I know that this little creature that I love to carry with much care will one day tell me “leave me alone!”

I know that she will one day tell me things I don’t want to hear.

I know that one day she will interpret my reminders as annoying rules of an unloving father.

Other fathers may fear that to happen. Right now, I feel that it’s probably a good thing. First,  it's a sign that she’s smart. Second, she got my wit!

But that day is far too long to worry about. I don’t want to look that far into the future.

For me the most important moment is now. When I get to feed her, to burp her, to dance her to sleep, to calm her, I feel most… FULFILLED!

I know that one day, I’d be obsolete to her. And it's fine. I'll be fine I'll get the hang of it. Probably. But I don’t want that to happen just yet. Not yet!

One Day

One Day “One day, she will answer you back,” some parents warned …

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